The Fear of Terrorism

As I have done in previous blog posts, I’m going to present a challenge from the card game, “Bounce Back.” Your job is to list the skills and the attitudes of resilience that you would use in dealing with the challenge. Describe how you would respond to the challenge using these skills. This one relates to the fear of terrorism. The media has certainly increased our awareness and our concern about terrorist acts.

You have been reading a lot and hearing a lot about terrorism recently. These acts do not seem to be confined to other countries, such as France or the Middle East. They have been happening in this country. At holiday celebrations, in theaters, and sporting events. It has reached the point where some are fearful of going out to the market or going to any type of crowded place, such as a mall, shopping center or a football game. If you find that your fear is restricting your life. How would you use the skills and attitudes of resilience to deal with this?

Take some time and think about this and about what skills and attitudes you might apply. Try to put yourself in the situation and think through what steps you would take.

Here are some of our suggestions about ways that you might deal with this situation. These are only suggestions. Each person and each situation is different. We are sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with this and what other skills and attitudes of resilience could be applied. We would encourage you to think this through and talk with others about how they will deal with or have dealt with this challenge.

First of all, we would encourage you to take some time to look at your feelings. And to get control of your feelings. Terrorism is about instilling fear. It is about restricting peoples’ lives and creating stress for them. If you do not or are unable to control these feelings of fear, you basically are giving the terrorists what they are seeking. Take a deep breath. Call someone who can listen to you for a few minutes. Talk!

So, connecting with others is something that we would recommend and communicating and acknowledging the feelings that you have. Keeping these to yourself is not a good idea.

We would also encourage you to look at the situation realistically. Try to see the bigger picture. It is much more likely that you will be injured in a car accident or struck by lightning than you will be a victim of a terrorist attack.

Again, you may have come up with other skills and attitudes that you would apply in this situation. As we said earlier, every situation and every person is different. We encourage you to think this through and talk with others about how they have dealt with their fears and how they would deal with fear in this situation.

In the weeks ahead, we will be posting other blogs that deal with challenges like this.  In the next blog, we will talk about dealing with a high risk situation in which a terrorist act might occur.

Presedential Politics: That's Entertainment

Well, you can say at the least it’s been entertaining. And humorous at times. It would indeed be even funnier if it wasn’t the process by which we choose someone to lead this country for the next four years. As Bernie Sanders pointed out recently, it really isn’t a game. It’s serious business.

We seem to have reached a new low in terms of mud-slinging. I really don’t care about the size of Donald Trump’s hands or his private parts. I doubt that it will have very much to do with how effective a leader he might be. Like a lot of other Americans, I feel disappointed that the candidates stoop to some of this behavior.

Like it or not, this is a process that we are caught up in and that will determine the outcome of the election.

We can enjoy the entertainment value of all of this, which I find myself doing quite often. But I would encourage us not to ignore it. What is happening is serious business. We should not ignore it. In fact, we should become engaged in it. Not in the mud-slinging, but by demanding that the candidates talk about issues and policies and not personalities and anatomy. And we should make sure that our voices are heard by participating in the primaries and caucuses and the conventions at the state level and national level.

So in this political season, connect with others, communicate with others about how you feel about this country and what is happening to it, and about the candidates involved in this election. Be optimistic. Our country, as they would say, is going through a rough patch. But this too will pass. We will not be destroyed as a nation if a candidate that we thoroughly dislike and detest is elected president.

This is a complicated picture that we’re looking at right now. Blaming one side or one person for all of the problems that we are confronting will not serve us well. It will only divide us more as a nation. It is a time to come together and to work together to make America an even stronger country.

Dealing with Death

As in previous blogs, I’m going to present a challenge. This one has to do with the death of a close friend. I will ask you to apply the skills and the attitudes of resilience to dealing with this challenge. The challenges are from the card game  “Bounce Back” that we are developing into an electronic game that can be played off of a website.  This game is a tool that we have been using in teaching the skills and the attitudes of resilience for a number of years.  It is a serious game that asks you to apply the skills and the attitudes to a specific challenge and describe how you would respond to that challenge using these skills.

Here is the situation. A good friend of yours, someone you’ve known for many years and have been very close to has died suddenly just a few days ago.  Your friend was married and had small children. How would you deal with the loss using the attitudes and skills of resilience?

Death brings up a lot of feelings for us. Dealing with these strong feelings is a normal part of the grieving process. Denying them and refusing to admit they exist is not, in the end, going to help us manage this loss in our life. Grieving requires that we mourn the loss and deal with our feelings. Staying busy so we don’t have to think about what has happened usually is not helpful. Being “strong” does not require that we deny the feelings that we have.

This is definitely a time for connecting with others and for communicating about our feelings. We need to be able to provide support and accept support from others.  This is part of the healing process. This is why connecting with others and communicating are critical parts of the process of recovery from a loss.

We need to provide support to others who are experiencing the loss and we need to take care of ourselves in the process. Continuing to eat and sleep are important parts of this self-care piece. Eating, even if we don’t feel hungry, and sleeping, even if we don’t feel that we can.

This is also a time when we usually think about our own mortality. Thinking about the purpose and the meaning of our lives is something that often comes up when we have lost someone close to us. This is a normal part of the process. We need to share this with other people and admit that we may be having a difficult time dealing with this and the other issues that the loss of a good friend may bring up.

You may have thought about other skills and attitudes of resilience that you would apply to this situation. Every person and every situation is different. One size does not fit all. What we have provided are suggestions that you might utilize in dealing with this situation. Again, these are only suggestions. We would encourage you to talk with others and ask them how they would deal  or  have dealt with losing someone close to them in the past.

Sleep

Today I’m going to present a challenge from the card game “Bounce Back.” The game is a tool that we have been using in teaching the skills and attitudes of resilience. It is a serious game that asks you to apply the skills and the attitudes of resilience to a specific challenge and describe how you would respond to that challenge using these skills. Just like life, we don’t know what challenge we will be dealt.               

Here’s one that relates to a problem that many of us have. The problem of not getting enough sleep, or at least not getting enough of restful sleep. This is the situation.  When you attempt to sleep at night, you find that most often you have a hard time getting to sleep. You’ve been mixing booze and over-the-counter sleeping pills which often cause you to be very groggy in the morning. How would you use the skills and the attitudes of resilience to deal with your problem with sleep?

Here are some of the suggestions that we would have about ways you might deal with the situation. Again, these are only suggestions. Every situation is different, as is every person. Take some time to think about this and what skills and attitudes you might apply to the situation.

First of all, take what is going on with your problems with sleep seriously. Take care of yourself. Mixing alcohol and over-the-counter sleep medications is not a good idea. They will only tend to make your problems with sleep worse. Talk with your primary care physician about what suggestions he or she may have. And talk with other people about what they have done. Many people make use of relaxation strategies or meditation as a way of helping them to relax enough to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. A good thing about a non-medication solution is that it is not habit forming. Not habit forming in a negative sense. You may find that using the breathing or relaxation strategies may be something that works so well that if you wake up in the night, you can use it again to get back to sleep. Communication is part of helping yourself to take care of yourself.

Also, be aware of the feelings that may be interfering with your sleep. Are you feeling extremely anxious about something right now that may be disrupting you getting to sleep? Do you need to deal with these feelings or discharge them or talk about them? Managing strong feelings can be a part of the solution.

Now, you may have come up with other skills and attitudes that you could apply to this problem. As we said earlier, every situation and every individual is different. Again, we would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they have dealt with a similar challenge or how they feel they would deal with this problem if it was theirs.

Again, take this problem seriously. Sleep serves a critical function and is vital to ourhealth. For example, it is the period during which short-term memories are transferred into long-term storage. Without sleep, we may experience memory problems.

Your Partner's Drinking Problem

As in past blogs, I’m going to present a challenge from the card game called “Bounce Back” which is now being developed into an electronic game that can be played off of the Internet. The game is a tool that we have been using in teaching the skills and the attitudes of resilience. It is a serious game that asks you to apply the skills and the attitudes of resilience to a specific challenge and describe how you would respond to that challenge using these skills. Just like life, we don’t know what challenges we will be dealt.

This one relates to your relationship with your spouse. You are convinced that he/she has a serious drinking problem. You have covered for your spouse when he or she has been late for work. You have done other things that you later feel bad about having done. You’re losing your temper frequently and having difficulty managing the house and the children. The problem with your spouse’s drinking is clearly affecting you and the entire family.

Here are some suggestions. These are only suggestions. Everyone is different. One size does not fit all. But before you review these, give some thought to just what skills or attitudes of resilience you think you might apply in this situation.

First of all, we would suggest that you take control of your feelings. Blowing up and making threats that you will not keep is not going to be helpful. Neither is remaining silent and becoming depressed. Manage how you are feeling.

When you’ve got some control over your feelings, make a realistic plan to deal with the situation and take steps to carry out your plan. Communication will be an important part of finding a solution to the problem. Again this is a problem that affects you and the entire family. You may find that you have to confront yourmspouse to break through the denial that often accompanies a problem with heavy drinking or drug use.

Take care of yourself in this process. If you’re getting depressed, if you’re having a problem controlling your temper, it is understandable that you might. But connect with others who can provide support to you and help you think through how you will deal with this situation and who can support you in carrying through with whatever actions you decide to take. You will not be very effective in taking care of others if you cannot take care of yourself.

We would encourage you to talk with others about this challenge. Ask them what they would do if they were in your situation. If you value their opinion and their direction, use it. They may also suggest other resources that you can tap into, such as AA and substance abuse programs in your area. Al-Anon is also a resource that you can use to help you understand more about the problem and to get the support that you need.

Fear - Part Two

In the last blog I talked about resilience as being an antidote to fear. Fear is a normal and can be an adaptive reaction to dangerous situations. It has helped our species to survive in the dangerous world that we live in. But when fear is prolonged or unrealistic, it can be destructive.

As I said in the last blog, fear is a tool of the terrorist. He or she wants the group that they are targeting to be afraid all the time. But the skills and the attitudes of resilience can help us manage our fear.

We need to recognize the strong feelings that events like the ones that occurred in Paris a few months ago or California a few weeks ago generate. Sadness, anger and fear. All are normal reactions to what occurred.

As the people of Paris demonstrated and the people of California are now demonstrating, connecting with others and communicating with others is critical to being able to deal with the fear. Making realistic plans and continuing to carry them out is also a part of managing fear and being flexible in the way we behave and think, so that we can adapt to the situation that we are in.

Of equal importance are the skills of resilience that have to do with  creating and finding purpose and meaning in our lives. We usually find this through acting on our values and our beliefs. They usually will help us to make sense of our lives, even in the darkest times.

We need to believe in ourselves. Self-confidence is one of the best antidotes to anxietyand fear. We need to trust our thinking and believe in ourselves.

We also need to keep things in perspective. We need to look at the bigger picture. The events that are occurring are temporary. They will change, both for the good and the bad, and they will most likely not have a pervasive impact on every aspect of our lives. It will affect specific parts of our lives.                                               

And we need to avoid blaming. No, we need to hold those who are responsible accountable for their actions, but this is different than all the emotion that we load on to accountability when we begin to blame others. We need to avoid scapegoating. One individual or group is seldom solely responsible for our troubles.

Through all of it, we need to continue to take care of ourselves and to care for others, physically and emotionally. We need to continue to be social and communicate with other people. We need to continue to exercise and eat well and sleep.

Last of all, one of the hardest things that we need to do is to continue to be able to appreciate and use humor appropriately in our lives. I said “appropriately.” We should not use humor to degrade or put down others. We need to continue to laugh. Things can only get better.

Fear

Fear is an emotion that many of us have a hard time recognizing or admitting that it exists within us. This emotion, which is a normal, healthy one, is often covered up, especially by men, with anger. Fear can help us adapt to difficult situations. It can help us avoid danger. But when it is prolonged or not tied to reality, it can be destructive.

Fear is a tool of terrorists. They want to create fear that is prolonged and, in many cases, unrealistic. They want the group that is being terrorized to believe that they are in constant danger. That they are in danger if they go shopping. If they walk on the street in their neighborhood. Or go to their child’s athletic event.

The antidote to fear is resilience. If we engage the skills and the attitudes of resilience, we will be less fearful. When we are afraid, we need to connect with others. We need to communicate with others and to recognize and deal with the feelings that we are experiencing. Isolation from others and denial of how we feel will only increase our fear. We also need to be flexible in our thinking and our behavior. Unfortunately, fear often makes our thinking rigid and it handicaps our ability to make realistic plans and take action to carry them out. Making decisions and acting out of fear often results in bad decision-making and misguided behavior.

Again, when we are afraid, we need to first of all admit that we are, and we need to seek out others with whom we can talk. We need to be flexible in our thinking and our actions, and we need to make realistic plans and take action. And most of all, we need to deal with the feelings that we have. We do not need to cover them over with anger. This is not to say that we should not be angry about the events occurring in our world. But we should also recognize and manage the fear that these events generate.

I will talk more about resilience as an antidote to fear in the next blog.