Losing the Numbers Person

Here is another challenge from BOUNCE BACK a serious game of mental toughness and resilience. The game should be available in late summer/early fall.

So here is the challenge. You are divorced. You have been divorced for just a few months. Your ex-spouse was a numbers person, the one who handled the finances in the marriage. You weren’t involved in that to the degree that maybe you should have been. This is one of the issues that possibly led up to your separation and divorce. You’re on your own now, and your salary must be managed intelligently. How would you use the skills and the attitudes of resilience to do this?

Obviously, you need to connect with others and others that can perhaps teach you or guide you in developing a budget and managing your finances. One of the ways to deal with stress is to simply develop the skills and the attitudes that you need to make the situation less stressful. Make a plan. Get some help in thinking about your finances. Communicate. Talk with others about how they manage a budget. All of this requires that you are willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers and you don’t have all the skills that you need to do this.

So make a plan and take action to carry it out. And deal with whatever feelings may come up, such as embarrassment. You can’t deal with the situation or seek assistance unless you’re willing to admit that there is a problem and that you may lack some of the knowledge or skill required to deal with it.

You may also find that as you are attempting to do this, a lot of old feelings will come up about the marriage and the divorce. Deal with those. You may need to talk about them. But first of all, you need to admit that they exist, if they do.

There are other ideas that you may have and others may have about how to deal with this situation. Consider the other skills and the attitudes of resilience and how they might apply. Think this through and talk with others. We all have problems managing our money quite often, and we all need some help sometimes in being able to make a budget and to improve our skills in this area. Communication with others will be a key in responding to this challenge. Managing the feelings that come up around doing this will also be important, as well as finding good advisers and others who can help you learn the skills of money management. Make a plan and carry it out.

We will present another challenge in our next blog.

The Immigrant: How resilience can help immigrants adapt

We are a nation built by immigrants. Many in our society seem to have forgotten this. Giving up one’s home and trying to make a new home in a country far away and unfamiliar is a difficult process. The skills and attitudes of resilience are certainly key to being able to make a successful transition. 

In past months, we have been presenting challenges and discussing possible ways of dealing with them, using the skills and the attitudes of resilience. The challenges are from a game, a serious game, that teaches these skills and attitudes called Bounce Back. We hope to have a final electronic version of Bounce Back out by the end of this summer. So, as we have done in previous blogs, assume that you are in the situation that we will describe and then detail how you will deal with the challenge that the situation presents.
You have newly arrived in this country and you’re trying hard to learn English. You’re taking a class and getting some tutoring, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Your reading skills are improving, but you still have difficulty understanding the announcers on television or the radio. You’re embarrassed when you have to ask people to repeat themselves. Your friends often pretend to understand, even when they don’t.
What are the skills and the attitudes of resilience that will help you master the new language and deal with others regarding your challenges in learning English?
Over the past year, I have had the opportunity to work with the immigrant community in Portland. Many are seeking asylum from persecution in other countries, specifically Africa. They have taught me a lot about the skills and the attitudes of resilience that they have applied to deal with moving to Maine and trying to make a life in our country. One of the key elements and skills is being able to connect with others. Being able to establish relationships and friendships and being able to seek the assistance of others in succeeding in this transition.
Another skill and attitude that many have difficulty with is being able to recognize and deal with the feelings that they have which are very understandable. It is a fear-provoking process to find yourself in a foreign land and to not be able to speak the language. Recognizing and dealing with these strong feelings is key to being able to succeed in a new country. Communication is critical. And that, of course, is the problem that you are going to have to overcome in a new country is you must learn the language if you are going to be able to establish yourself and make a successful life for yourself in a new world.
While you are doing this, it is important to keep in mind the bigger picture. This is a transition. This is temporary. It will not be permanent. You will learn the language. You will connect with others. You will succeed.
And, of course, blaming yourself is not helpful. English is a very difficult language to learn. Some of us, especially the young, have an easier time of it than older adults. Give yourself a break. Blaming yourself and being angry with yourself is not going to help you to succeed.
Like persons with a disability, individuals who have faced adversity, such as persecution in their home country and survived, have learned a great deal about resilience. Many of the skills they have used there are the same as the ones that they will use to make a new life in this country .
We’re sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with the situation and apply the skills and the attitudes of resilience. We would encourage you to talk with others about this challenge and how they might deal with the situation. Connecting with others, communicating, dealing with your feelings, and keeping a positive perspective are critical to being able to deal with this challenge.
We will present another challenge in our next blog.

Oxycodone

As I have done in previous  blogs I'm going to present a challenge from the card game "Bounce Back." Your job is to list the skills and attitudes of resilience that you would use in dealing with the challenge. Describe how you would respond to the challenge using these skills.

This one relates to your child and to the oxycodone prescription that you were given for your back pain.

You receive a call from the assistant principal at your child's school informing you that your child is been suspended and that the police were contacted because a prescription bottle of oxycodone with your name on it was found in your child's possession. How would you use the skills and attitudesof resilience to deal with this situation?

Take some time and think about this and about what skills and attitudes you might apply. Try to put yourself into the situation and think through exactly what steps you would take in dealing with it.

Here are some of our suggestions about ways that you might deal with the situation. Again these are only suggestions. Every situation is different, as is every person. We're sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with the situation and how other skills and attitudes of resilience could be applied. We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they would deal with a similar challenge.

First, we believe you might have some very strong feelings about what has just happened but you need to get control of these feelings if you are going to deal with the situation and with your child and with school and the police. Vent some of the anger and fear that you understandably may have. Take a deep breath. Call someone who can listen to you for a minute. They don't have to solve the problem they just need to listen. So connecting with others dealing with your feelings may be the first step in dealing with the situation.

Go to the school. Talk with the assistant principal and the police and with your child. Develop a realistic plan for dealing with the situation. This is a complicated situation. There's a lot of information that you may need that you may not have. Think don't just react. Involve others like your partner, other family members and friends who can help. And keep managing all the feelings that may come up through this process.

Again you may have come up with other skills and attitudes that you would apply in the situation. As we said earlier every situation and every individual is different. We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they have dealt with a similar challenge or how they feel l they would deal with such a challenge.

Over the years in using this game, we have found that it encourages people to really think about what they would do in a specific situation and requires them to actually demonstrate how they would apply the skills in the attitudes of resilience to the challenge.

So talk about it with others. We will present another challenge in our next post.

Rain

As I have done in past blogs, I'm going to present a challenge from the card game called Bounce Back. The game is a tool that we have been using in teaching the skills and the attitudes of resilience. It is a "serious game" that ask you to apply the skills and attitudes of resilience to a specific challenge and describe how you would respond to that challenge using these skills. Just like life, we don't know what challenge we will be dealt.
Here's one that relates to the weather: rain and lots of it.
It has been raining all day. You leave work early so that you can get home in time for the birthday party that your wife is been planning for your eight-year-old. You're almost there, and as you top the hill, you see that the road at the bottom is flooded. Cars have stopped. Some of turned around. But you have no other way quickly home. You will be late at least an hour if you take the alternative route. What do you do?
Take some time and think about this and what skills and attitude you might apply in the situation.
Here are some of the suggestions about ways that you might deal with the situation. Again, these are only suggestions. Every situation is different, as is every person.
First, we would encourage you to calm down and to think clearly about what you're going to do. That means managing all those feelings that may have come up as you realize that you may be dealing with a disappointed eight-year-old, with an angry wife. So take a deep breath and calm down.
Clearly you need to communicate with your family. Let them know your situation. They may be able to help you think about what the best plan is which. Make a realistic plan and carry it out.
Lastly, we would suggest that you look at the big picture. Your family want you to get home safely. There will be other birthday parties. And being late for this one may create some disappointment, but it may ensure that you will be around for the next one. Take care of yourself.
We have found over the years that using this game and its challenges encourages people to really think about what they would do in a specific situation and requires them to actually demonstrate how they would apply the skills in the attitudes of resilience to the challenge. Put yourself in the situation. Think through what you would actually say to your wife or to your eight-year-old.
We would encourage you to talk about this challenge with others. Asked them what they would do and if you value their opinion in their direction asked them to coach you.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

In the last couple of months we have been presenting some challenges and  discussing some possible ways of dealing with them using the skills and attitudes of resilience. These challenges are part of a game called "Bounce Back" that we developed a few years ago to teach the skills and attitudes of resilience. We are finalizing the electronic version of "Bounce Back"  that can be played off of a website that will present these challenges to players and provide them with some immediate feedback regarding the skills and the attitudes of resilience that we think might be useful in responding to the challenge.

So again in this blog, assume that you are playing "Bounce Back" and you have just been dealt this challenge.

Your company commander calls you into his office and tells you he is worried about you and possible post-traumatic stress disorder. He gives you a direct order to see the base mental health officer. You begin to argue, but he cuts you off. How would you deal with the situation using the skills on the attitudes of resilience?

For the sake of this challenge we would assume that you have been in the military for a number of years and perhaps served a couple of tours of duty overseas. We would assume that at least one of these may have been in Afghanistan or Iraq.

As I've said in previous blogs, everyone is different and what we're going to give you now are just suggestions as to the skills and attitudes that you might think about applying to the situation.

This challenge requires that you take a close look at yourself. Unfortunately, human beings often lie to other people, but more frequently lie to themselves. We often deny the problems that we have and sometimes even project them onto other people. What has just happened with your company commander may clearly bring up some feelings in you. Members of our Armed Forces often don't seek help for the problems they know they may have because of fear and stigma associated with doing so. Those who live with you 24/7 may know things about you you don't know about yourself. This may be a time to listen rather than argue; to ask questions rather than to dismiss or deny.

Connect with others. Talk with others. What do they see that you don't. What do you see and feel that you have been unwilling to admit? This is about taking care of yourself. Hopefully you will follow through with the Commander's orders. You will probably be in a great deal of difficulty if you don't. Be honest with the mental health officer and with yourself. Make a realistic plan to deal with this issue and follow through.

We are sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with the situation and how the other skills and attitudes of resilience could be applied. We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they have dealt with a similar situation or how they believe they would deal with a similar challenge. Communication will be key in responding to this challenge. Don't behave as if you're 10-feet tall and bulletproof. You're not.

We will present another challenge in our next post.

Ronald L BREAZEALE PhD

Author: Reaching Home and First Night

Co-Workers

As we did in the last blog, I presented a challenge from the card game called “Bounce Back” that is a tool that we have been using for teaching the skills and the attitudes of resilience.  This is a “serious game” that asks you to apply the skills and the attitudes of resilience to a specific challenge and describe how you would respond to that challenge using these skills.  Just like life, we don’t know what challenge we will be dealt.
Here’s one that relates to co-workers.
You’ve never gotten along well with one of your co-workers.  Your job has changed recently and now you must work with this person each day.
How can you use the skills and the attitudes of resilience to deal with this person and manage this situation?
Take some time and think about this and about what skills and attitudes you might apply in this situation.  We would assume that you may need the job and you might not want or be able to just quit.
Here are some of our suggestions about ways that you might deal with this situation.  Again, these are only suggestions.  Every situation is different, as is every person.
First of all, we would think that you might want to do a lot of communicating and talking, perhaps, with your supervisor about the problem and with friends and family about what suggestions they might have for you in dealing with the situation.  So we would assume that connecting with others and communication would be critical.  We would also assume that perhaps trying to talk with this person would be a good idea too.  This might require you being flexible and being willing to do something that doesn’t come easy, perhaps getting outside of your comfort zone doing this.  We would also assume that you would need to deal with the feelings that you may have developed over time regarding this person.  Otherwise, the feelings may get in the way of you being able to find a solution.  We would assume that doing some problem solving talk with others might help you to develop a plan for managing this situation and being able to make life more comfortable for yourself and for your co-worker.  We’re sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with this situation and how the other skills and the attitudes of resilience we haven’t mentioned might apply.  We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they would deal with a similar challenge.
We have found over the years in using this game that it encourages people to really think about what they would do in a specific situation and requires them to actually demonstrate how they would apply the skills and the attitudes of resilience to the challenge.
So talk about it with others.  Ask them what they would do and, if you value their opinion and their direction, ask them to coach you.  We’ll present another challenge in our next post.



Ronald L. Breazeale, Ph.D.

Chronic Illness: Part 2

Chronic Illness: Part 2

Managing an emotional or physical illness requires resilience. Unfortunately, the very nature of these disorders sometimes makes it very hard for the patient to exercise the skills and the attitudes of resilience.

Coping with a brain injury is difficult no matter what level of support one has. The very nature of a head injury usually involves a loss of control, not just over physical functions, but over emotional ones as well. Dyscontrol is one of the hallmarks of a brain injury, meaning that people have difficulty regulating their thought and their feelings and emotions. If recovering from a brain injury, often the patient will engage in perseverative behavior. Perseveration is again one of the factors that make management of a head injury difficult. People get stuck. They have difficulty letting go of a particular thought or idea. They may behave in a repetitive fashion, may continue to attempt to do something in the same way over and over again, even though their behavior is not being effective. This results usually in increased rigidity and more frustration and anger. 

Learning to control perseveration and to be “flexible” is a difficult process for most people with a head injury.  But with time and patience, new coping skills can be learned and people can learn with a brain injury to be more flexible, to try in new and different ways to solve a problem and to gain control over their emotions and their world.

Other chronic illnesses such as cancer can make it very hard to exercise the skills and the attitudes of resilience. In the face of a devastating illness, optimism can be hard to come by. Inadequate insurance coverage and medical debt, which is the number one cause of bankruptcy in this country, can be overwhelming and people can sink into feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. These are times when finding a sense of purpose and direction is crucial.

I have learned from many of my patients that with time, patience and support can change things for the better. A chronic illness doesn’t have to change every aspect of your life, and the changes that occur may not be permanent. There is much wisdom in the saying, “This, too, will pass,” and blaming yourself or others for your troubles never makes things any better.

Many of the patients that I have seen with chronic illnesses over the years tell me that the one thing that was essential for them to continue moving forward, to continue battling the cancer, or learning new coping strategies was a sense of purpose, a reason for doing it. They may have found that sense of purpose through their religious beliefs or through their family, their work or their friends. But they found it. And through that they found resilience and the ability to bounce back from adversity.