Self-Awareness

As we discussed in the last blog post, it is easy to review the skills and the attitudes of resilience and to agree with their importance. And because we may understand at least on an intellectual level what these skills and attitudes are, we may believe that we will be able to apply them to the challenges that we face in our lives each day. But like any skill, they require practice and self-awareness. In the last blog post, I posed a number of questions related to what you may have learned in managing stressful events in your past. I asked you not to just think about them, but to actually write in black and white your answers to the questions. Writing things down often helps us to organize and think about things in a different way. It is different than simply talking about or thinking about them. Here are a few more questions. 1. Who have been the role models in your life for dealing with adversity? What did you learn from them? We all have both good and bad role models. Sometimes we learn patterns and ways of dealing with things which aren’t extremely helpful or effective. If you grew up in a family where no one talked about anything, especially feelings, you have probably learned to do the same. Unfortunately, in terms of resilience, this is often not very helpful. 2. How have I helped others through hard times? Did helping them help me? How? 3. Have I thrown myself into work or other activities as a way of coping with hard times? Was this helpful? What was the upside and what was the downside? 4. What have I learned about myself and about others from managing difficult situations? 5. During hard times, was I able to use my head? Was I able to think clearly and problem solve in a crisis? Did the ability to think help me to manage my feelings, specifically the fear and the anger that may come up in a time of crisis? 6. How did adverse events in my life change my way of thinking about myself and about the world I live in? Am I a stronger person for having gone through a life crisis? How? Hopefully we learn from hard times. Over the last few years, the concept of post-traumatic growth has gained increasing acceptance. Researchers are finding that there is some truth to the old adage, “If it doesn’t kill you, it may make you stronger.” For more information about post-traumatic growth, go to: www.apahelpcenter.org. So review your answers to these questions. This exercise has been for you. No one needs see what you have written unless you wish to share it with them. Having a friend or a family member read and discuss with you what you have written my be helpful. You decide. by Ron Breazeale