Relationships With Those Closest To Us

Sometimes the face of adversity can be the face of your partner or spouse. For many, after a long day at work, coming home can be aversive. Not just because of the chores that we must do before the day is over or other problems we must confront, but because the relationship we have with those closest to us is aversive. Relationships with those closest to us require the skills and the attitudes of resilience. Most of us learn this very quickly after we choose a life partner. Communication and acceptance are the keys. We’re not going to be able to work out the problems that we may have with our partner unless we talk with them. And we’re not going to be able to change them. Relationships with those closest to us require flexibility. Having to have it our way in the long run is usually not going to work. Compromise is required. Relationships with those closest to us also demand that we develop our problem-solving skills. All relationships have problems. Most of those problems can be solved, if you’re willing to manage the strong feelings that come up in the process. If we’re able to do this, we can think more clearly about the problems that we are confronting and make better decisions and create better solutions. Unfortunately, those closest to us can create the strongest feelings, both positive and negative. Instead of finding ways to express and discharge the feelings that we have, very often we will sit on them or act them out in ways that are destructive to the relationship. Feelings of anger and jealousy can blind us to being able to see clearly and can motivate us to say and do things that we will later regret. Our connection to others is what makes our lives rich and rewarding. But keeping that connection a positive one, rather than allowing it to become an aversive one, requires that we communicate well with our partner, that we are flexible and willing to compromise, and that we develop our problem-solving skills and manage the strong feelings that come up in the relationship. If our relationships with those closest to us are to be resilient, we must be resilient. We will talk more about this in the next blog. Ron Breazeale