Encouraging Resilience of Our Children In Difficult Times

Is media encouraging pessimism in our children?

As I discussed in my previous blog, these are difficult times and, unfortunately, much of the information that we have been being bombarded with through the different media outlets is not helpful, but encourages a sense of pessimism. These stories, whether through a blog or cable television or postings on websites, often seem focused on convincing us that what is occurring is going to have permanent, negative effects on our lives and that this will never change no matter what we do and that the impact will be pervasive. They also seem focused on blaming someone for what has occurred. Unfortunately, this only encourages people to become depressed and pessimistic and to give up.

Our children are affected by these same forces. We need to teach them that most things, whether good or bad, do not last forever. Children should be taught to expect change and, indeed, welcome it.

A second thing we need to teach our children is that few events in our lives will have a pervasive effect, either positive or negative, on the quality of our lives. Indeed, things will have a specific effect. Bad things that happen may make certain aspects of our lives worse, but seldom will it affect everything and change everything. The same is true for positive events. They will not make everything better. Getting that A in science is great, but it doesn’t change everything. It doesn’t mean you don’t need to study for the next test or that next year will not be more difficult as the subject matter becomes more difficult.

And last of all, we need to teach our children not to blame others or blame themselves. This does not mean that we do not teach them to be accountable for their actions or to hold others accountable for theirs. We simply teach them not to waste a great deal of energy and time in the emotional upheaval that goes along with blaming ourselves or blaming other people. This process is not helpful.

As I mentioned in the previous blog, the American Psychological Association has developed a number of brochures and information regarding how we can help our children deal with difficult times. There is a specific brochure available entitled, “Resilience in a Time of War,” tips for parents and teachers of elementary school children. The brochure is available from the American Psychological Association website by going to the help center on the website.

Here are briefly some of the things that the brochure encourages parents to do.

         1.      Talk with your child. Don’t assume that they’re not interested or they’re not thinking about or having feelings about what is going on.  Kids, in general, are more aware of things going on around them then most adults give them credit for.

         2.      Make your home a safe place emotionally for your child and limit the amount of news your child watches or sees over the Internet.

         3.      Keep things in a positive perspective with your child.  When you talk about bad times and bad things that are happening, make sure you also talk about good things that are happening and that there will be good times in the future as well.

         4.      Reassure your children that they will be okay.

         5.      As indicated in the previous blog, have an emergency plan and have an emergency kit.

         6.      Have a routine, both for you and the children, and stick with it.

         7.      And last of all, take care of yourself so you can take care of them.

Dr. Ron Breazeale