The Asteroid

In the last few blogs we have been dealing with challenges that you are likely to face in your life, such as a power outage during a cold winter, problems with those you are living with, etc. So we thought we might address one that is probably a very unlikely thing that you will ever deal with. At least we would hope so for all of us. But scientists tell us that it could happen.

Here is the challenge: A very large asteroid is now believed to be on a collision course with Earth. It is believed to be of a similar size to the one that produced the extinction of the dinosaurs. If it strikes Earth, it will wreak havoc and destruction. No one is quite sure yet if this is likely to occur. It is anticipated that if it does, it will be sometime in the next six months. There are efforts being made by the various governments of the world to determine if Earth is actually in danger, and efforts to plan for some type of diversion if the asteroid is on a collision course with Earth.

What would you use in the skills and the attitudes of resilience that we have been reviewing in this blog to cope with this situation?

There are a host of skills and attitudes that could be applied to this one. They involve such things as the old stand-by, such communication with others and connecting with others to really find out what’s going on, and to begin to deal with some of the feelings that you’re beginning to have about what could occur. Management of one’s feelings in this situation would be really important. Denial of what is happening or what might happen and denial of your feelings about this would not be a good idea.

By keeping yourself informed and beginning to think through possible scenarios and your response to them, you could begin to make some realistic plans for what you might  be able to do. This is a time, of course, to think about taking care of yourself and others. There are few situations in which humankind has found itself totally helpless.  See the big picture. Assume the best rather than the worst.

This may also be a time for doing some deep thought about what you see as the meaning of your life and your purpose in this world and some accounting to yourself and to others for your actions.

Indeed, the situation that we are presenting may not be a very likely one, but it may require some of the same skills and attitudes that we need to deal with other, more likely collisions that we may have with a terminal illness or a disabling accident. 

As with the other challenges that we have presented, you may have other ideas about the skills and the attitudes that could be applied to this situation. We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they would deal with such a situation. Connecting with others, communicating, reevaluating your sense of purpose and direction, managing your feelings about the situation and taking action to care for yourself and for others would be critical to responding to this challenge

Being A Dreamer

Over previous months, we have presented some challenges and discussed some possible ways of dealing with them using the skills and the attitudes of resilience.  These challenges are part of the game called “Bounce Back” that we developed a few years ago to teach the skills and the attitudes of resilience. We are continuing to finalize an electronic version of the game that can be played on the Internet and which will present these challenges to players and provide them with some immediate feedback regarding the skills and the attitudes of resilience that we believe might be useful in responding to the challenge.

So in this blog, again assume that you are playing “Bounce Back” and you have been dealt the following challenge:

You’re a dreamer. You always have been. Your friends tell you that you come up with a new idea every week. They kid you about it. You pretend it doesn’t get to you, but it does. What would you do?

From the information that we have given, you know that you are connected to these other people. That what they think and what they say matters. But can you communicate with them? Can you tell them how you really feel and what you really think? This involves being able to communicate, as well as to be able to deal with some of the feelings that you have. And first of all, you have to admit that the feelings exist. What they’re saying apparently hurts your feelings.

Talking to your friends about your feelings would be the first thing to do. It would also be a very good idea to be able to keep in mind the bigger picture. Your friends may have no intention of hurting your feelings or discouraging you. Making this assumption, rather than assuming that they are trying to be hurtful or jealous of you, may be a better place to start from, unless you have other information that their intentions are not good ones. Being able to appreciate and use humor might also help you deal with this situation.

And last of all, don’t give up. Believe in yourself. Be self-confident. Continue to be a dreamer.

We are sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with this situation and how the other skills and attitudes of resilience would be helpful. We encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they would deal with a similar situation. As with many of the situations that we have presented in this series, communication is key.

Power Outage

In this blog we present a challenge and discuss some of the possible ways of dealing with it using the skills and the attitudes of resilience. These challenges are part of a game called Bounce Back that we developed a few years ago to teach the skills and the attitudes of resilience. We are in the process of finalizing an electronic version of Bounce Back that can be played off of a website and that will present these challenges to players and provide them with immediate feedback regarding the skills and the attitudes of resilience that we feel might be helpful in responding to the challenge.

So, as before, assume that you are playing Bounce Back and you have just been dealt this challenge: The electric company in your region has been trying to restore power for a number of days. Solar storms are disrupting communications and apparently are keeping the power grid down. It is the middle of winter and a very cold one. You are at home with your family. You only have a small woodstove and a fireplace. How would you deal with this challenge, using the skills and the attitudes of resilience?

We would assume, first of all, that you probably have a lot of feelings about what is happening. In order to think clearly and deal with the situation, you will need to keep your feelings under control and manage them. How would you do this? First of all, you would need to admit that the situation is getting on your nerves and that you are worried about your house and the pipes and plumbing and, in general, about what is going to be happening without any power.

Connecting with others and communicating is going to be really important. Maybe there is a portable generator that one of your neighbors has that you could use to run the refrigerator or to get more heat into the house or do some other things.

Then you’re going to need to be able to make a plan for dealing with the different problems that you are facing, such as frozen pipes, your unhappy children, since they are bored stiff without their electronics, etc. Thinking these problems through and doing problem solving with others will be important if you are to weather the power outage. Given the situation, keeping a sense of humor might also be helpful.

We are sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with the situation and how other skills and attitudes of resilience could be applied. We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they have dealt with situations like this in the past and how they believe they would deal with this challenge in the future. What did they learn from the past? As with many of the other challenges that we present, connecting with others and communication are important, but being able to control and manage your feelings in a tense, difficult situation is equally important.  If you were to think clearly and respond in an adaptive fashion, you need to manage how you feel rather than to deny or discount your feelings.

The Roommate

As I have done in previous blogs, I’m going to present a challenge from the serious game,Bounce Back, a game that can help you learn the skills and the attitudes of resilience. Your job is to list the skills and the attitudes that you would use in dealing with the challenge, and describe how you would respond to the challenge using these skills.

This challenge relates to having a roommate. We have all had difficult roommates and had challenges in dealing with them, I would assume. But this may be particularly difficult if you’re a recovering alcoholic.

So for the challenge I would like for you to assume that you are playing the game and you have been dealt a challenge that describes the situation that you’re in and describes who you are. Let’s assume that you are a recovering alcoholic. Your roommate, who has been sober for four years, relapses and shares that information with you. He tells you he is fine and asks you to keep this secret. What would you do?

For those of you who have never been caught up in an addiction or have little knowledge of addictions, this may be a difficult challenge to respond to. But in many ways, the challenge is not that different from many of the ones that we have presented in this series. This doesn’t mean broadcasting to a recovering community that your roommate is drinking again. It does, however, mean talking with your roommate and with your sponsor or with some other people that you are close to and doing some problem solving, both with yourself and with others. You can support your roommate and try to help your roommate recover from the slip.  But in that process, you need to take care of yourself. 

As with many of the challenges that we have discussed, dealing with your feelings about what is happening and recognizing them and expressing them is key, as is communication with others.  

Those of you who are in recovery many have other ideas about how to deal with this challenge. Maybe some of you have dealt with this. I would encourage you to discuss with others this challenge and to think through how you might deal with this situation or a similar situation. Again, those you talk with may have other ideas.

We will present another challenge in our next blog.

Losing the Numbers Person

Here is another challenge from BOUNCE BACK a serious game of mental toughness and resilience. The game should be available in late summer/early fall.

So here is the challenge. You are divorced. You have been divorced for just a few months. Your ex-spouse was a numbers person, the one who handled the finances in the marriage. You weren’t involved in that to the degree that maybe you should have been. This is one of the issues that possibly led up to your separation and divorce. You’re on your own now, and your salary must be managed intelligently. How would you use the skills and the attitudes of resilience to do this?

Obviously, you need to connect with others and others that can perhaps teach you or guide you in developing a budget and managing your finances. One of the ways to deal with stress is to simply develop the skills and the attitudes that you need to make the situation less stressful. Make a plan. Get some help in thinking about your finances. Communicate. Talk with others about how they manage a budget. All of this requires that you are willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers and you don’t have all the skills that you need to do this.

So make a plan and take action to carry it out. And deal with whatever feelings may come up, such as embarrassment. You can’t deal with the situation or seek assistance unless you’re willing to admit that there is a problem and that you may lack some of the knowledge or skill required to deal with it.

You may also find that as you are attempting to do this, a lot of old feelings will come up about the marriage and the divorce. Deal with those. You may need to talk about them. But first of all, you need to admit that they exist, if they do.

There are other ideas that you may have and others may have about how to deal with this situation. Consider the other skills and the attitudes of resilience and how they might apply. Think this through and talk with others. We all have problems managing our money quite often, and we all need some help sometimes in being able to make a budget and to improve our skills in this area. Communication with others will be a key in responding to this challenge. Managing the feelings that come up around doing this will also be important, as well as finding good advisers and others who can help you learn the skills of money management. Make a plan and carry it out.

We will present another challenge in our next blog.

The Immigrant: How resilience can help immigrants adapt

We are a nation built by immigrants. Many in our society seem to have forgotten this. Giving up one’s home and trying to make a new home in a country far away and unfamiliar is a difficult process. The skills and attitudes of resilience are certainly key to being able to make a successful transition. 

In past months, we have been presenting challenges and discussing possible ways of dealing with them, using the skills and the attitudes of resilience. The challenges are from a game, a serious game, that teaches these skills and attitudes called Bounce Back. We hope to have a final electronic version of Bounce Back out by the end of this summer. So, as we have done in previous blogs, assume that you are in the situation that we will describe and then detail how you will deal with the challenge that the situation presents.
You have newly arrived in this country and you’re trying hard to learn English. You’re taking a class and getting some tutoring, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Your reading skills are improving, but you still have difficulty understanding the announcers on television or the radio. You’re embarrassed when you have to ask people to repeat themselves. Your friends often pretend to understand, even when they don’t.
What are the skills and the attitudes of resilience that will help you master the new language and deal with others regarding your challenges in learning English?
Over the past year, I have had the opportunity to work with the immigrant community in Portland. Many are seeking asylum from persecution in other countries, specifically Africa. They have taught me a lot about the skills and the attitudes of resilience that they have applied to deal with moving to Maine and trying to make a life in our country. One of the key elements and skills is being able to connect with others. Being able to establish relationships and friendships and being able to seek the assistance of others in succeeding in this transition.
Another skill and attitude that many have difficulty with is being able to recognize and deal with the feelings that they have which are very understandable. It is a fear-provoking process to find yourself in a foreign land and to not be able to speak the language. Recognizing and dealing with these strong feelings is key to being able to succeed in a new country. Communication is critical. And that, of course, is the problem that you are going to have to overcome in a new country is you must learn the language if you are going to be able to establish yourself and make a successful life for yourself in a new world.
While you are doing this, it is important to keep in mind the bigger picture. This is a transition. This is temporary. It will not be permanent. You will learn the language. You will connect with others. You will succeed.
And, of course, blaming yourself is not helpful. English is a very difficult language to learn. Some of us, especially the young, have an easier time of it than older adults. Give yourself a break. Blaming yourself and being angry with yourself is not going to help you to succeed.
Like persons with a disability, individuals who have faced adversity, such as persecution in their home country and survived, have learned a great deal about resilience. Many of the skills they have used there are the same as the ones that they will use to make a new life in this country .
We’re sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with the situation and apply the skills and the attitudes of resilience. We would encourage you to talk with others about this challenge and how they might deal with the situation. Connecting with others, communicating, dealing with your feelings, and keeping a positive perspective are critical to being able to deal with this challenge.
We will present another challenge in our next blog.

Oxycodone

As I have done in previous  blogs I'm going to present a challenge from the card game "Bounce Back." Your job is to list the skills and attitudes of resilience that you would use in dealing with the challenge. Describe how you would respond to the challenge using these skills.

This one relates to your child and to the oxycodone prescription that you were given for your back pain.

You receive a call from the assistant principal at your child's school informing you that your child is been suspended and that the police were contacted because a prescription bottle of oxycodone with your name on it was found in your child's possession. How would you use the skills and attitudesof resilience to deal with this situation?

Take some time and think about this and about what skills and attitudes you might apply. Try to put yourself into the situation and think through exactly what steps you would take in dealing with it.

Here are some of our suggestions about ways that you might deal with the situation. Again these are only suggestions. Every situation is different, as is every person. We're sure that there are other ideas that you may have or others may have about how to deal with the situation and how other skills and attitudes of resilience could be applied. We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they would deal with a similar challenge.

First, we believe you might have some very strong feelings about what has just happened but you need to get control of these feelings if you are going to deal with the situation and with your child and with school and the police. Vent some of the anger and fear that you understandably may have. Take a deep breath. Call someone who can listen to you for a minute. They don't have to solve the problem they just need to listen. So connecting with others dealing with your feelings may be the first step in dealing with the situation.

Go to the school. Talk with the assistant principal and the police and with your child. Develop a realistic plan for dealing with the situation. This is a complicated situation. There's a lot of information that you may need that you may not have. Think don't just react. Involve others like your partner, other family members and friends who can help. And keep managing all the feelings that may come up through this process.

Again you may have come up with other skills and attitudes that you would apply in the situation. As we said earlier every situation and every individual is different. We would encourage you to think this through and to talk with others about how they have dealt with a similar challenge or how they feel l they would deal with such a challenge.

Over the years in using this game, we have found that it encourages people to really think about what they would do in a specific situation and requires them to actually demonstrate how they would apply the skills in the attitudes of resilience to the challenge.

So talk about it with others. We will present another challenge in our next post.